Yes I do hear Marvin Gaye in my mind when writing that title. But I can't help wondering what's going on. This last year or two has been so difficult. Dealing with my MAJOR depression and a husband who didn't/doesn't understand it. Feeling very alone and lonely. Don't mind the alone, don't like the lonely. On line community seems to be my only contact with other creative people. And it's always where are you going? You going on the computer again? Well yeah that's the only place I can go and share who I am with people who understand spending your last dollar on a neat old post card, or buying more fabric when you can't fit what you already have into a room. These are my people.
So how can it be that people I have never actually met get me when my husband doesn't? It's like we're from two different worlds. I've been trying so hard working so hard to make this marriage work and it just gets to be too much work sometimes. I feel like the only one making an effort. We went out for a nice day with our son today and I just really realized that other than our son, we have nothing in common, and nothing to talk about. He doesn't even try to make an effort to be interested in what I find interesting. Antiques, old stuff, being creative. I truely believe that he doesn't even know who I am. A person who can be wacky and out there, who likes to let our son express himself, like letting him stamp a spider and web on his tummy with my ink pad, it'll come out eventually and Declan was thrilled to have something so cool. My husband seemed disgusted. I don't know. I have a feeling I know where all of this is heading and it's scary. I'm a full time mom, no job, no savings. Who wants to make a living being creative! Ha don't we all? I'll find a way to make it work. And I'll find a way to be the best me I can be. Whatever that takes. That little girl in her grandmas arms? She knows no limits, no thoughts of what can't be done, only all the things she wants to do and will do. That's me. Time to think that way again.
